G1: How ‘bout we start the skit with us writing the skit!..?
G2: ….eh, I don’t know, it sounds kind of boring to me..
G1: no, I don’t think so. One of us could pitch the idea and the other one could try and shoot it down. Then we’ll have the conflict starting right of the bat.
G2: yeah, but even if we did start a skit like that, where would we go from there?
G1: easy, we’d just start talking about what we should do for the middle of the skit! It’s genius!
G2: *attitude seems to be changing* hmmm… could the reluctant guy slowly start to show signs of approval by… maybe making small suggestions?
G1: I don’t see why not!
G2: alright, do you have any ideas for the end?
G1: well… I guess it could just be a really short skit.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The Depot Chronicles
Working at Dental Depot isn’t that bad, but there are several things that I wish I didn’t have to deal with on a daily basis. Even though they’re usually small things that shouldn’t get to me, the shear magnitude in which they happen makes my job very frustrating from time to time. Very frequently, I pick up the phone to answer it and the caller is screaming bloody murder at their children. I don’t wait for it to stop; I just start giving my little Dental Depot answering spiel like nothing is happening. This does me no good, however, because when I’m done the person usually says, “Hello?” and I have to say it all over again. Multitasking is great, but screaming at your children and calling your dentist should be done at separate times. That’s one rule I’ve always lived my life by.
Also, when I’m making appointments over the phone there’s a point in the process that I ask, “So, when would you like to come in?” and it’s really frustrating when the person answers, “Uhh, as soon as possible” as if I’m an idiot for not assuming that. Then I’ll say something like, “Can you be here this afternoon?” and the person says, “No, I can’t do it today; I’m at work.” Again, I’m the stupidest person in the world for asking. “So, how about tomorrow morning?”
“No, tomorrow’s not really going to work for me…”
“Ok.. So, when would you like to come in?”
If you didn’t catch it, that’s the same question I started with. Usually, I say it just like I say it the first time, but sometimes I have a little more now who’s the idiot in the tone. I’d like to point out that I’m not upset because I’ve had this conversation with a patient; it’s the fact that I have this exact conversation with patients all the time.
Another classic is when patients call to make appointments, but have to put you on hold to go get their schedules halfway through the process. Who could have foreseen the need of a schedule? I imagine the patient saying, “Whoa! I was just calling to make a dental appointment, and you’re wanting me to commit to a specific day? ..this calls for my schedule.”
I suppose that’s all I’ll speak of today, but let me leave you with an unofficial transcript of a telephone conversation I had with a patient today:
“Thank you for calling Dental Depot. This is Brandon, how may I help you?”
“Yeah… Where y’all be located at?”
“We’re located on 23rd and Drexel.”
“23rd and WHO??”
“Drexel. It’s right by May Avenue; just a couple streets west of May.”
“Ohh.. Well, then what’s there across from you guys?”
I look out the window. “Uh.. just some houses.”
“Some WHO?”
“Houses.”
“Oh, well, y’all past that Taco Bell then?”
“Ummm…”
“If we be comin’ from Penn?”
“Yes, we’re past Taco Bell.”
The conversation goes on for a while but I’ll just leave you with that.
Also, when I’m making appointments over the phone there’s a point in the process that I ask, “So, when would you like to come in?” and it’s really frustrating when the person answers, “Uhh, as soon as possible” as if I’m an idiot for not assuming that. Then I’ll say something like, “Can you be here this afternoon?” and the person says, “No, I can’t do it today; I’m at work.” Again, I’m the stupidest person in the world for asking. “So, how about tomorrow morning?”
“No, tomorrow’s not really going to work for me…”
“Ok.. So, when would you like to come in?”
If you didn’t catch it, that’s the same question I started with. Usually, I say it just like I say it the first time, but sometimes I have a little more now who’s the idiot in the tone. I’d like to point out that I’m not upset because I’ve had this conversation with a patient; it’s the fact that I have this exact conversation with patients all the time.
Another classic is when patients call to make appointments, but have to put you on hold to go get their schedules halfway through the process. Who could have foreseen the need of a schedule? I imagine the patient saying, “Whoa! I was just calling to make a dental appointment, and you’re wanting me to commit to a specific day? ..this calls for my schedule.”
I suppose that’s all I’ll speak of today, but let me leave you with an unofficial transcript of a telephone conversation I had with a patient today:
“Thank you for calling Dental Depot. This is Brandon, how may I help you?”
“Yeah… Where y’all be located at?”
“We’re located on 23rd and Drexel.”
“23rd and WHO??”
“Drexel. It’s right by May Avenue; just a couple streets west of May.”
“Ohh.. Well, then what’s there across from you guys?”
I look out the window. “Uh.. just some houses.”
“Some WHO?”
“Houses.”
“Oh, well, y’all past that Taco Bell then?”
“Ummm…”
“If we be comin’ from Penn?”
“Yes, we’re past Taco Bell.”
The conversation goes on for a while but I’ll just leave you with that.
Monday, October 26, 2009
HK Skit
Setting: In an apartment with 5 people
Gerald: oh my gosh, I’m so excited!!!
Angela: I know!! Do you think she’s going to love it?
Mike: are you kidding? Who doesn’t love surprise birthday parties??
Angela: holy crap you’re so right!
Burt: ok, so do we all know where we’re hiding? i find that good planning and organization can go a long ways in making a totally kicking party. You see, there are some surprises you want to avoid even if you are at a ‘surprise’ birthday party.
*rest of group says ‘mmmm’ and nods in agreement*
Gerald: I’ll get behind here!
Sasha: a few of us can fit behind the couch.
*everyone gets organized*
Angela: oooh, I can’t wait ‘til she gets here!
Mike: *has revelation* Ummmm, guys…..
Group: what?
Mike: you’re not going to believe this, but we totally almost forgot to hang up the banner!
Sasha: classic goof-ball move on our part, guys!
Burt: and here I thought I’d thought of everything! Well guys, that just goes to show you; there’s no such thing as over planning.
*rest of group says ‘mmmm’ and nods in agreement*
Angela: here give me a hand.
*angela and gerald unroll the banner which reads “Happy Birthday Helen Keller!!!”*
Burt: ok, now it’s perfect.
*noises from outside the door*
Gerald: everybody, quiet, I think she’s coming!
*people duck and Helen walks in*
Group: SURPRISE!!!!! …..
*Helen continues to fumble inside, paying no attention to the others*
*group suddenly realizes their mistake*
Mike: well, crap!
Sasha: so, what do we do?
Angela: I guess we could all touch her at the same time…
Gerald: no, that would be weird.
Burt: I can’t believe i didn’t foresee this.
Mike: does this kind of make us crappy friends? I mean, a surprise party just seems really insensitive.
Sasha: don’t be silly, we’re not crappy friends, it was just an honest mistake. Like you know how you’re really allergic to shellfish and you have to wear that necklace everywhere you go?
*mike holds up necklace*
Sasha: well, you know how two summers ago I was having that dinner party and I wanted to make everybody that surprise dish and I didn’t want to tell everybody what was in it?
*group nods*
Sasha: well, you were like ‘does this have shellfish in it? I need to know.’ Well, it did, but I forgot you were allergic and I just thought you were being nosey so i told you that you didn’t need to worry about it. Well, to make a long story short, you had like three helpings; then your windpipe started to close; then we had to take you to the hospital, and you went into a coma, and when you woke up you had to relearn how to speak and walk and stuff, etc., etc. but my point is, just cause I made that one little mistake doesn’t mean I’m a crappy friend.
Mike: uhhhhh… *obviously not sure about that statement*
*Helen is still stumbling around the room. She walks toward something on the other side of the room and the group has to dodge her to keep from being noticed*
Gerald: well, we’re not doing any good here.
Angela: I can call my mom and have her cook dinner for us.
Mike: it’s not going to have shellfish in it, is it?
Angela: oh, quit being so nosey!
*group joins in by showing there disappointment in mike with phrases like, ‘yeah, really!’ and, ‘where do you get off?!’*
*this continues as group exits*
Gerald: oh my gosh, I’m so excited!!!
Angela: I know!! Do you think she’s going to love it?
Mike: are you kidding? Who doesn’t love surprise birthday parties??
Angela: holy crap you’re so right!
Burt: ok, so do we all know where we’re hiding? i find that good planning and organization can go a long ways in making a totally kicking party. You see, there are some surprises you want to avoid even if you are at a ‘surprise’ birthday party.
*rest of group says ‘mmmm’ and nods in agreement*
Gerald: I’ll get behind here!
Sasha: a few of us can fit behind the couch.
*everyone gets organized*
Angela: oooh, I can’t wait ‘til she gets here!
Mike: *has revelation* Ummmm, guys…..
Group: what?
Mike: you’re not going to believe this, but we totally almost forgot to hang up the banner!
Sasha: classic goof-ball move on our part, guys!
Burt: and here I thought I’d thought of everything! Well guys, that just goes to show you; there’s no such thing as over planning.
*rest of group says ‘mmmm’ and nods in agreement*
Angela: here give me a hand.
*angela and gerald unroll the banner which reads “Happy Birthday Helen Keller!!!”*
Burt: ok, now it’s perfect.
*noises from outside the door*
Gerald: everybody, quiet, I think she’s coming!
*people duck and Helen walks in*
Group: SURPRISE!!!!! …..
*Helen continues to fumble inside, paying no attention to the others*
*group suddenly realizes their mistake*
Mike: well, crap!
Sasha: so, what do we do?
Angela: I guess we could all touch her at the same time…
Gerald: no, that would be weird.
Burt: I can’t believe i didn’t foresee this.
Mike: does this kind of make us crappy friends? I mean, a surprise party just seems really insensitive.
Sasha: don’t be silly, we’re not crappy friends, it was just an honest mistake. Like you know how you’re really allergic to shellfish and you have to wear that necklace everywhere you go?
*mike holds up necklace*
Sasha: well, you know how two summers ago I was having that dinner party and I wanted to make everybody that surprise dish and I didn’t want to tell everybody what was in it?
*group nods*
Sasha: well, you were like ‘does this have shellfish in it? I need to know.’ Well, it did, but I forgot you were allergic and I just thought you were being nosey so i told you that you didn’t need to worry about it. Well, to make a long story short, you had like three helpings; then your windpipe started to close; then we had to take you to the hospital, and you went into a coma, and when you woke up you had to relearn how to speak and walk and stuff, etc., etc. but my point is, just cause I made that one little mistake doesn’t mean I’m a crappy friend.
Mike: uhhhhh… *obviously not sure about that statement*
*Helen is still stumbling around the room. She walks toward something on the other side of the room and the group has to dodge her to keep from being noticed*
Gerald: well, we’re not doing any good here.
Angela: I can call my mom and have her cook dinner for us.
Mike: it’s not going to have shellfish in it, is it?
Angela: oh, quit being so nosey!
*group joins in by showing there disappointment in mike with phrases like, ‘yeah, really!’ and, ‘where do you get off?!’*
*this continues as group exits*
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Greg Osboland - A Short Storie
Greg Osboland was a simple man with a past not interesting enough to discuss here. The matters of this story require only that you know of a short episode occurring just a few days ago involving our Greg. Keep in mind that this ordeal was not brought upon Greg because of anything special or interesting about him. Call it chance, call it coincidence, but don’t call it bad luck because I assure you that Greg’s luck was quite plain.
It is early Wednesday afternoon, and a man, one much more interesting than Greg, is in quite a lot of trouble. It seems to him that his life is in jeopardy, and, in fact, it is. The man’s name is Phillip, and he sits in the back of Mr. C. DeGiacomo’s unmarked van frantically thinking of someway he can survive his current situation. Unlike Greg, Phillip is often in exciting and dangerous situations and would have been shot, stabbed, drowned, or blown up long ago if he were not as quick-thinking as he is. Scanning his surroundings, the man notes all the pertinent data.
In the van with him are three other men, the largest of whom is standing near the back door. The other two are standing on either side of Phillip holding guns. The men are demanding information that Phillip knows he must not give up. He recognizes that he cannot handle all three of them at once and that he will be shot soon if no action is taken. Brilliantly, Phillip shouts that he doesn’t have the answers they are looking for and suggests they pull his partner Greg, who is standing outside the van, in for more fruitful questioning. Greg is not actually his partner’s name; in fact, Phillip does not even have a partner. This was just a ploy to get the largest of the men out of the van for a moment. Phillip doesn’t realize that this ploy is about to put another life in jeopardy; otherwise he certainly would have chosen another name.
Greg, having just finished feeding his parking meter, takes no notice of the large man stepping out of a van mere feet away. This changes, however, as soon as the man calls out his name. Greg naturally turns and looks at the man, puzzled as to what he could want. The man looks directly at Greg and demands that he come into the van. As our dumfounded Greg hesitates, the man (now seeming much more ominous) begins to approach him. Before Greg can decide what to do, his body turns and his legs begin taking him away from the man, as if by reflex. Unfortunately the flight is just slow enough to enable the man to grab the back of Greg’s sports coat. Greg quickly shakes off the coat in an instinctual, but effective convulsion and the man is forced to make another lunge for him. The attempt is interrupted, however, by two gunshots coming from inside the van. The man turns around and sees one of his fellow henchmen shouting at him to get back inside.
The scene in the van is a bloody one. Phillip lies lifeless, shot in the chest, and one of the other men sits hunched over, pressing his hand over a gun shot wound on the side of his gut. The large man realizes their urgency and rushes to the van’s driver’s seat. The men flee from the scene and begin assessing their situation. The man they were supposed to be interrogating is dead and they received from him no answers. Mr. DeGiacomo will not be pleased. Their only hope for answers lies within the partner, but they only know what he looks like and that his name is Greg. Looking through the coat, they find some chap stick, a pen, and most importantly a business card.
Greg, no doubt, is seriously shaken by the event, but not nearly shaken enough considering the danger he has been put in. To Greg the ordeal has no meaning; all Greg knows is that a man came out of a van, stole his coat and ran back. Though Greg knows much less than we do, he knows just enough.
It is now Friday afternoon, and our Greg sits at his desk awaiting any customers that may be in need of some insurance. He glances at his clock and notices that it is nearly closing time. As Greg gathers some things from his desk, he sees two figures approaching his building’s door. In less than a second, Greg recognizes one of them as the man who had stolen his coat earlier that week. Greg sits for a moment watching the man open the sole door of his small place of business. Greg then shoots out of his chair and runs to the back of the room into a small bathroom. It was panicked thinking that got him into the bathroom and Greg soon realizes that he’s made a mistake. The small latch on the bathroom door will not hold the men off for long. Greg searches his panicked mind for some stroke of genius that would get him out of this mess. ‘If I could only grow a beard… I could disguise myself!’ Greg thought. Greg begins concentrating and closes his eyes, but he hardly has a chance to blink before the large man kicks in the door. Greg’s heart sinks as he stands there looking at the man.
“Did you see a clean-shaven man wearing those exact same clothes run in here?” The large man asks, puzzled at Greg’s apparent absence.
Greg, as perplexed as the two others, glances in the bathroom mirror. “No, only bearded men in here.”
The men leave, confused and disappointed, and Greg remains in the bathroom -- not the ordinary, boring Greg that he was before, but a Greg with an amazing, new-found ability.
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